Cristina Flores lives up to the hype: her campaign launch for governor is a huge success.
"A picture is worth a thousand words" Flores said, as she showed a picture of a stop sign to her onlookers. The crowd roared with approval.
“We're going to do everything we can to make our state a better place. That's why I, Cristina Flores, vow to host drag races every other Thursday if you vote for me as Governor.”
The rumors surrounding Cristina Flores and a potential campaign for California governor have turned out to be true. This past Thursday at half past eleven, thousands rushed to the 17th street metro station in Santa Monica to see Flores herself announce her campaign. The crowd was brimming with anticipation as the trains whizzed past them. At twelve o' clock on the dot, Cristina Flores took the stage to thunderous applause. Flores grinned at the crowd as she waited for the applause to quiet down.
Finally, she spoke: "Hello everyone, I'm glad you could all be here for such a wondrous occasion. It is with great excitement that I announce to California, and to America, that I will be running for Governor!" The crowd ruptured in cheers. Many bystanders screamed at Cristina, shouting praises such as Cristina I love you, Cristina please adopt my children! and Cristina I got your face tattooed on my [redacted].
Flores then proceeded to give her speech, emphasizing the importance in her campaign's goal. "I truly believe that equality and opportunities play a significant role here in California, and it is in all of our best interests that we ensure they keep happening." After a couple minutes of boring political mumbo jumbo, Flores finally got into the fun part of her speech. She wooed the crowd with her magic tricks, and many people fainted due to excitement when Flores broke into a musical number. "I love California and I love you all," Flores sang as the crowd danced around her.
Throughout her speech, Flores made many interesting promises. She pledged to change all school water fountains to dispense alcohol and to have bi-weekly drag races in every city. But perhaps the most interesting of all was when Flores abruptly dropped her microphone and screamed "and if I become your governor, I promise to eliminate the middle class!" Needless to say, the crowd was ecstatic at this news, as chants of 'Cris-ti-na Cris-ti-na' could be heard from 15 blocks away.
Pictured above: Flores at her favorite vacation spot. During her speech, Flores emphasized the importance in planting trees, and urged her supporters to plant at least three trees in unique spots throughout the day. "The more trees we have, the more cats that get stuck in them. The more cats that get stuck in trees, the more firefighters needed to save them." Flores is known for her unwavering support for fire departments.
At this point, Flores' audience had grown considerably. Around ten thousand people were cramped on the metro station, eager to hear more of her speech. Flores had pulled out a picture book and was now having a read along with the crowd. They gasped and laughed as Flores regaled the tales of No David! and the Berenstain Bears. Flores' spectators loved it and begged for an encore when she finished reading. Flores agreed, and was met with cheers. One person even tried to high-five her, but was promptly led off the stage by police.
After three hours, Cristina Flores reached the end of her speech. "Thank you all so much for coming out. I had a wonderful time. We should totally do this again" she said blankly.
It's no surprise that Flores' campaign launch was a success. Her life has been one that many adore. After graduating from Vanderbilt with a masters degree in English education, she was giving a teaching job overseas. Unfortunately, teaching was not the profession for Cristina; she became bored of her job, and after seven years she quit her job in Britain. She came back to America with one goal in mind: to make a difference. She decided to enroll in a community college near her hometown and pursue a career in politics. She graduated and became a city councilwomen for three years, then became the mayor. She was mayor for six years before deciding to retire.
Retirement was a nice change for Flores. But something was missing, she wasn't getting the thrill that she got before. She decided to fill that void by becoming president of her alma mater's PTA. But that wasn't enough. It was at that point that Flores knew what to do. She ran for mayor again and was reelected. And finally after another successful three years as mayor, she announced that she would be running for Governor.
Cristina Flores is famous for her abnormal views regarding policies and change, but there is no denying that she is an excellent leader, and many are hopeful that she can be their governor.
Best of luck to Cristina Flores as she embarks on her long campaign towards governor.